I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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