I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
