Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
