DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
