I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
