so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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