Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
40s are totally the cure
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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