Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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