More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
