do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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