i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
