im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
