Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
