i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
