TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
ok first of all what the fuck
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
