It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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