Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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