Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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