This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
