It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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