I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The best revenge is premature balding
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
