How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
