apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
