she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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