You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Shame is for Republicans.
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