if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
