yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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