Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
