Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
