also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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