I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
