On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
