I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
