Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
