More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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