I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
