dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
