My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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