it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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