just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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