So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
