You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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