she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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