my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm passing your future prison.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
