Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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