I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
