she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
