One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
