also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
