I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
