I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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