Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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