I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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