Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
