A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
