I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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